Carin takes the time to get to know you.
I came close to losing Carin, but I didn't.
Carin mentioned that she was married at a young age.
I would never risk losing Carin and what we have together.
It turns out that it
was also just another story I would made up-- it wasn't what Carin expected at all.
Carin's intuition is extremely well honed,
and my refusal to tell her the truth created a scenario that made her feel crazy.
I truly wanted to be completely open and intimate with Carin, yet such vulnerability equaled hopelessness,
helplessness, and powerlessness in my mind.
At the end of our session, both Carin and Brent told me how much lighter my face looked
and how unburdened I appeared to be.
As Brent, Carin(my wife), and I continued our session,
I also began talking about my perception of what was expected of me in our marriage.
He had a magnificent palace in Berlin as well as a luxurious hunting
lodge named in honor of his late wife Carin, who died in 1931.
You see, Carin was aware of this other person and had
an intuitive sense that something had occurred between us, but I wouldn't own up to it.
First of all, this won't be happening again, because what Carin and I have gone through has brought us to
new levels of intimacy-- none of which has been very easy, by the way, and all of which was of my making.
In a small voice, I said,"I don't get to grieve; I don't get to feel disappointed; I don't get to feel the pain of the potential loss of a great friend like Toby,
because I believe that I have to be there for Carin.".